My company recently issued a memo announcing the 2003 holiday schedule. This memo rivals its recent predecessors, the You’re All Getting a 10% Pay Cut memo and the Health Care Costs Are Going Up (So Stop Going to the Doctor So Much) memo in its shocking absurdity. There are only six days on the holiday schedule, seven if you are not an unfortunate bastard in sales or customer support. Since we’ve already used up New Years Day, this means my next official holiday isn’t until… Memorial Day? Are you fucking kidding me? No MLK, no Presidents Day, no Easter or Arbor Day. NO FUCKING VACATION DAY UNTIL MAY 26.

My friends who live in Europe get far more vacation time than their American counterparts, and they're happier with their jobs (and work harder) as a result. Companies in America are increasingly cutting costs, cutting jobs, and as witnessed by this pathetic memo, cutting holidays too. Do they think this is a way to motivate employees? What happens to the parents who have children out of school for holidays that governments recognize but companies do not? Do they get a babysitter? Doesn’t that sort of defeat the purpose of having a holiday in the first place?

All I can say is I haven’t done a lick of work since I got here, and I don’t plan to. I have bills to pay, thank you notes to write, and the life of a great civil rights leader to reflect on. The Powers That Be who think giving out fewer vacation days improves employee efficiency can kiss my web-surfing, personal-call-making ASS today, because I am the exception that disproves the rule. Now excuse me, I have a cigarette to smoke.