Last night Jen and I were talking about Michael Jackson’s recent antics, and out of genuine concern for him (and his children), we concocted a plan that would put his children out of harm’s way. Basically we decided he should go to celebrity prison, a land with no plastic surgeons and by god! -- no minors. While we were at it, we decided we should also remove a few other celebs from society, but not necessarily for the same reasons as Michael. Therefore we created several different security compounds to which we’d like to send a few people who may have spent a little too much time in the limelight. Here is our proposition.

People who should be removed from society:

(This is the maximum security compound, as these celebs are an endangerment not only to themselves but others. A few of them are highly unstable, so in order to get them to move to the prison, we will need to take an approach not unlike when you send an oddball relative to the mental hospital for a much needed respite. We need to make the impending outing sound like fun -- like Neverland Ranch, or an NRA amusement park; we then ship them off to celebrity prison, lock them up, and throw away the key.)

Michael Jackson
Mike Tyson
Charlton Heston
Courtney Love
O.J. Simpson

People we just need a break from:

(This is the minimum security prison. These inmates are allowed to make personal phone calls, finger paint, and some of them are even committee chairs.)

Jocylene Wildenstein, aka the Cat Lady
Liz Taylor
Liza Minnelli (and her gay husband)
Paige Davis from Trading Spaces (and her gay husband)
Fiona Apple
Mariah Carey
Anne Heche
William Shatner
Billy Bob Thornton and Angelina Jolie

People who need a legal guardian:

(Well, it’s just one person. She’ll have her own cell decorated with animal print rugs and a big pink bed. And her own bathtub.)

Anne Nicole Smith

People who need solitary confinement for purposes of ego reversal:

(This category speaks for itself. A few months in solitary and maybe these people will realize they are not the center of the universe.)

David Cassidy
Barry Williams (aka Greg Brady)
Diana Ross

And finally, People who should stage their own death:

(This is merely to spare us from careers that should have been over a long time ago, if anybody with taste had a say in the matter.)

Celine Dion
Britney Spears
Christina Aguilera
Fabio

Have any celeb you’d like to banish? Please let us know, friend. Together we can make the world a better place.