I have done it!! I have solved one of the biggest mysteries of all time!! ( Or at least one of the biggest mysteries at my place of employment.) For as long as I have worked at my company, someone has been stealing my milk out of the refrigerator in the kitchenette.

Our company is too cheap to purchase milk for their employees, and unless you are a fan of that faux milk product, Parmalat, if you want to enjoy your coffee "on the light side" you are forced to bring your own milk to work. Since any dairy product that does not have to be refrigerated (be it fake or otherwise) scares me to death, I am one of many who purchases milk and stores it in shared refrigerator at work. It is from this shared refrigerator that my milk is being stolen on a regular basis.

I know, I know...it's just milk. I shouldn't be so stingy. It's really the principal of the thing. Hell, I don't even really care if people use use my milk, but please, for the love of god, if you use the last bit of it, at least have the courtesy to purchase a new carton. There is nothing worse than pouring yourself a cup of coffee and then realizing with horror that your recently purchased (and recently full) carton of milk is empty, courtesy of the office dairy theif. I quickly found out that this milk theivery is not unique to me. It seems that everyone who keeps their milk in the fridge has had it stolen at some point. This has happened so much, that I have even gone so far as to tape a scathing note to the fridge demanding that the theif replace my empty carton with a full one, no questions asked. This of course never happened, and I dejectedly removed my note. (I was however applauded by my fellow milk-robbery victims for my efforts to solve the problem.) For over two years I have dreamed of catching the milk-napper in the act, and for those two years this theif has managed to remain at large....that is, until today.

I was in the kitchenette fixing a salad when one of my coworkers entered the room. As I sliced up vegetables and mixed my salad dressing, I noticed that she was puttering around and taking an unnecessarily long time to make her tea. Though I wondered about her odd behavior, my hunger overcame my curiousity and I picked up my lunch and left the room. As I walked out, I realized that I'd forgotten a fork, and returned to the kitchenette. Imagine my surprise when I saw her pouring MY milk into HER tea as if she didn't have a care in the world. I didn't say anything immediately, and instead quietly poured a cup of coffee. As she was returning the stolen goods back into the refrigerator, I innocently asked if she could "pass me my milk." She handed it over and glanced at me in horror as I poured a generous amount into my coffee. I smiled victoriously as she scampered, red faced, out of the room. Of course, I'm not going to confront her further about this, I think I made my point loud and clear. I have however told about 5 people that she's the dairy theif, I think that will suffice for now. Hopefully she's learned her lesson, and we can all now refrigerate our milk without fear.