No, I'm not talking about Columbus Day (that's another topic altogether). On the radio this morning it was announced that today marks the beginning of Pet Peeve Week.

How these absurd "holidays" come into existance is beyond me. I heard that it's someone's job to determine what color the lights of Empire State building will be every day. I've often wondered how she/he delicately chooses on those difficult days when two second-rate holidays are vying for the spotlight. January 14, for example, is Clean Off Your Desk Day and Coming of Age Day. Which do you choose?

This week, there are all sorts of decisions to be made. Not only is it Pet Peeve Week, but it's also Pharmacy Week, Teen Read Week, and Wolf Awareness Week. I'm not making this shit up. You can see it for yourself at Blue Mountain Arts.

Since Pet Peeve Week is the first one I heard about, I am going to limit my celebration today to that holiday (sorry Columbus, you get nothin'.) Perhaps tomorrow I will quietly observe the stoicism of the wolf, leaving Wednesday for National Boss Day, Thursday for Teen Read Week, Friday for Pharmacy Week (no better day to celebrate drugs than Friday), and wrapping things up with Sweetest Day on Saturday.

So in honor of Pet Peeve Week, here are some pet peeves'o'mine. Not that I encourage the celebration of these useless holidays, but what the hell, it's Monday and I feel like complaining.

10) I.T. professionals who respond to your complaints with the statement, "I hate computers." (This happens at my company. A lot.)

9) Telemarketers.

8) Hipsters.

7) Companies whose customer support consists of a F.A.Q. page and an email address that takes 3 days to reply to your query, usually directing you back to the F.A.Q. page (read: ebay!)

6) People who call you but don't leave a message. Here's a news flash, folks - there is such a thing as caller ID. We know who you are and the exact time of your cowardly call.

5) Not meaning to sound like a behind-the-times comedian, but everything about air travel irks me. Airplanes have become buses with wings. 'Nuff said.

4) Britney Spears.

3) People who eat the last morsel of food and leave the empty container. I once broke up with someone because they did this. Well, there were other reasons too, but this particular habit of his really got on my nerves.

2) Liars.

1) Made up holidays that symbolize nothing of meaning. Contenders include Answer Your Cat's Question Day (January 22), California Poppy Day (April 20), No Socks Day (May 8), Bad Poetry Day (August 18), Be Late for Something Day (September 5), Blame Someone Else Day (September 13), Sandwich Day (November 3), and Bathtub Party Day (December 5).

Someone must stop the madness!