A recap of yet another amusing night out on the town… As tends to happen while hanging with a gaggle of gay men, we ended up at Splash. On this particular evening we were eagerly anticipating the arrival of our friend Rafe, who was coming in from London. As you will see, there were a few logistical problems involved with his arrival. The plan was to connect via cell phone when he reached Penn Station, whereupon we would inform him of our whereabouts so we could meet up for a night out. As you will see, when one relies too heavily on their cell phone, a simple evening can quickly become quite complicated…

730: I arrived at G. Upon arrival, I quickly realized that my phone would not work while inside the bar. When I went outside, I realized that that it would also not work on the street immediately outside the bar. Apparently there is some sort of vortex on 19th Street, between 7th and 8th Avenue, where, when you place a call on a Sprint phone it says: "Service not available in this area," and starts roaming. (Jerry's did the same thing) I don’t understand it. We were in Chelsea for christ’s sake, not the middle of the wilderness. Fortunately for me, I found that when you step onto the corner of 19th and 7th, there actually was phone service. Go figure. While standing on the corner, freezing my ass off and waiting for a call from Rafe, I got a call from Stevie telling me that he's at Chase waiting for me. Unfortunately, as I stated previously, we were not in fact at Chase, but instead downtown at G. (Apparently there were some mixed signals.) Stevie mentioned that since Penn Station is at 42nd Street, and Chase is closer to 42nd than G, he would just stay put until Rafe contacted us. After I informed him that Penn Station is not in fact on 42nd street, he decided to come down to meet us. I then walked back to the bar.

745: Stevie arrived, and I walked back to the corner of 19th and 7th to see if I could find out if Rafe had arrived yet. Come to find out via a voicemail that of course I had not seen, not only had he arrived, but he was waiting at Penn Station for me. I then walked back to the bar, filled the boys in on what was going on, and left, by myself, to go find Rafe at an undisclosed location near or at Penn Station.

750-8p: While in cab to Penn Rafe called and started to tell me where he was...I hear: "On the corner of 33rd and....beep, beep, beep. My phone died.

8p: Pulled up to Penn in cab, left meter running, and found (a very anxious) Rafe on the corner of 33rd and 8TH. Got back in cab, went back to G.

801p: Walked into G, tossed my bag down, and proceeded to knock over a drink and break a glass.

802p-930: Love, kisses, presents, drinks. Blah, blah, blah... Jerry and I made friends with hot waiter.

931P: Jerry and I took pill.

932p-230a: (The exact order of the these events in this window are slightly unclear)

·Went to XL for drinks. Jerry and I became convinced that we were going to win one of the prizes in a "Queer as Folk" raffle, even though we had no raffle ticket, nor did we officially enter the contest. We did not win.

·Jerry and I went to the bathroom together where he pooped while in the stall with me.

·We decided to leave and realized that Stevie's jacket had been stolen or was lost. We gave up hope after an incredibly half- assed search on Jerry’s and my part. By that time Jerry and I were giggling like schoolgirls.

·Cabbed it to Splash.

·Got taken for tourists at the door to Splash due to the fact that Stevie was carting around Rafe's suitcase in the manner of a flight attendant on the way to a trip. In a sick and twisted effort to take advantage of us the supposed tourists, the doorman charged us DOUBLE the cover. The doorman then informed Stevie that there were no suitcases allowed in Splash, (huh?) and if Stevie wanted to come in he had to make it look "NOT like a suitcase." Stevie somehow appeased the doorman by picking up the suitcase instead of pulling it, thus making it look like a ...uh....well...it still looked like a damn suitcase to me.

·Continue drinking.

·Jerry was too f*&ked up to dance, and no one else would dance with me, so we stand around.

·A large group of people entered the club and crowded us into the corner. I realized that my purse was still UNDER the large group of people and I attempted to locate it. I tapped some guy on the shoulder and told him that I needed to get my bag. Someone then pushed me from behind, upon which I fell against the guy, and realized that it was Nathan Lane. I groped around under Nathan Lane's feet for a while and finally found it. He looked at me quizzically and I walked off.

·Dan arrived, and finally I got to dance.

·Jerry suddenly decided to depart, and I decided to leave with him. I threw a temper tantrum for a really stupid reason, and ran out the door.

·Jerry immediately got in cab and went home. I then realized that I didn’t have any money left over so I headed to an ATM.

·Naturally, my card was demagnetized. I went to about 43 ATM's in a desperate effort to get cash. I was not successful. I went BACK to Splash to see if I could find Stevie and Rafe. They were gone. I considered asking Nathan Lane for some money, but I decided that was a bad idea.

3a: Since my cell phone was dead (See events that occurred 750-8pm) and I had no way to contact anyone who could help me, I realized that I had to take the Subway home and proceeded to walk to 14th street. In keeping with the frustrating nature of the evening, the subway station at 14th street was not open and I had to walk to West 4th. While walking up to the entrance of the subway, someone pushed me down, kicked my bag away from me, and bent down as if he was going to steal it. Then, in a miraculous turn of events, out of nowhere someone came from behind and pushed the guy who had pushed me, and saved me from being robbed. This unknown hero then disappeared into the darkness. I took a breath and stood up. My stuff was everywhere. I believe at this point I yelled, "What else could possibly go wrong!!!"

430AM: Finally get home after a particularly long ride on the Subway. By this point I was absolutely FUMING.

431: Go to bed.

630a: Wake up and go to work.

See... Like I said,Just another night on the town.