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Recent Bitching
 
Congratulations! It's a...Homie?
By Jen

Last night I dreamt that I was pregnant. Well...sort of pregnant. No one knew I was With Child (even me) until moments before I gave birth. I was barely showing. On my due date, Gina, Jayme, and I were invited to see Howard Stern record his radio show. I was a bit apprehensive, as I could have given birth at any moment, but decided to take the chance anyway. The show was being recorded in an outdoor studio located in what appeared to be a small Midwestern town. The "studio" consisted of a small ham radio and a bunch of folding chairs that were way too small for anyone to fit in. It appeared that they had been built for very tiny people, who would have to have been the approximate size of Cabbage Patch Kids. About half way through the show, I went into labor. I asked Jayme if she could drive me to the hospital, and she refused. She said that she needed to go buy some lipstick. Gina somehow managed to convince one of the Howard Stern Show guys to take me to the hospital. Upon arrival, I immediately gave birth. (Here’s where it get strange.) Seems that I gave birth not to a child, but to one of those plastic containers that hold various prizes that you can purchase for a quarter at supermarkets. Sort of like the ones that hold Homie’s. There was some sort of nondescript plastic figurine in the plastic container that I have given birth to. (Sadly, not a Homie.) Apparently, the birth was premature, so the “child” was put into an incubator with other plastic containers holding figurines in various stages of development. After weeks of watching and hoping, it turned out that I gave birth to a singing bobbing head doll.

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