Seatus Interuptus:

There is this odd phenomenon that has been taking place on the subway these days. For the 3rd or 4th time in the past month or so, I have been physically forced out of my seat on the train. I completely understand the desire to acquire a seat on the subway, especially when your commute is quite long. Nothing is more frustrating than being beaten out in a race for that last coveted seat. Countless times I've intensely studied the spaces between all the "sitters" on the train, trying to figure out precisely how much space is cumulatively available between all the people sitting on the seats. I find myself having an angry and somewhat desperate inner monologue that goes more or less like: "If all those seat hogs just scooted right next to each other, SOMEONE ELSE COULD SIT DOWN. It's not fair! I want to sit down!! Scoot over. PLEASE!! I beg you. PLEASE!!" My point being that I clearly understand the desire to sit down, yet for the rest of my days I will never be able to figure out the motivation behind what happened to me yet again this morning. I was innocently reading a book, minding my own business, and all of a sudden there was an ass right in front of my face. Now, often on the subway you look up to find an ass in your direct field of vision. However, THIS ass was a different type of ass. It was an ass with a purpose, an ass lookin' to cause some trouble, an ass that has one goal and one goal only: To SIT DOWN. So there I was, minding my own business, when this ass began to move. Sensing what was about to happen, I knowingly gave a frightened look to my right or my left and realized that there was only a miniscule bit of seat available between the man sitting next to me and myself. It was quite clear that the space was about 1/10 of the width necessary to accommodate said ass. The person wedged one cheek into this sliver of space and wiggled around a bit. This tactic got her nowhere, and as one might assume, something had to give. This “something” that gave was not the intruder as one might naturally expect, it was instead the poor individual that was sitting next to me. The kind gentleman sitting to my left was forced out of his seat, narrowly escaping a fall to the floor. He shot the woman a nasty look, and walked quickly away from the scene of the incident. Unfortunately the vacated seat still did not afford enough room to accommodate the intruder, and I ended up wedged between this incredibly rude woman and the very hard, very cold railing that was to my right. I was so startled and so uncomfortable that all I could manage to say was, "Um, Okay. That's one way to do it." She replied by simply throwing her arms up in the air as if to say, "I had no choice,” and began doing her needlepoint...jabbing me with her elbows the rest of the ride on the train. I have a big bruise on my right arm where I was smashed up against the rail.

Seatus Interuptus: An interruption that occurs while sitting in a seat on any form of public transportation. This interruption is caused by rude individuals who have a skewed perception of their body size, and attempt to fit into spaces that are too small to accommodate their girth. The act of seatus interruptus results in either the relinquishment of your own seat to the intruder OR a very uncomfortable sitting situation for the remainder of your time on the train/bus/subway.