Attached is a movie “review” that was written by a man that is married to a former coworker of mine. A short introduction to the couple is necessary in order to accurately convey the absurdity of the situation at hand.

About Bobby (The Author) & Missy (The Wife who apparently forced him to view the "Mainstream" Film, which is the subject of his essay.)

1.He is a short, unattractive, Italian man who thinks he is the second coming of Martin Scorcese. He has actually used the word "genius" when describing himself to others. She is a tiny little blond woman who actually uses the word "genius" when describing Bobby.

2.He writes these letters (at least one of these per day) from his office at home. (Read: Tiny, bug infested, one bedroom apt on the Upper East Side where he cohabitates with his young wife Missy.) Missy thinks he is at home working on a script that is to become the Next Big Thing. He doesn't forward these messages to Missy, and she appears to be completely unaware of what he actually does throughout the day.

3.Bobby disappeared for an entire week right after they got engaged. Missy spent most of the time he was missing very upset and trying to contact him. When he returned (with no explanation) she took him back with no questions asked.

4.Bobby has no income.

5.Missy basically funded his last movie.

6.His last movie showed only once at a tiny theater downtown. The audience consisted of mostly friends and family who were more or less coerced into attending. The film was not picked up by a studio.

7.Bobby refuses to take public transportation because he doesn't like to "mingle with the commoners." (Exact quote)

8.In an effort to disguise her identity and protect her "reputation" Missy changes her shoes when she has to go to the restroom to relieve herself. God forbid someone think that she is human and actually would do something as horrid as going to the bathroom.

9.When I was Missy's assistant a few years ago, I asked her if she could possibly give me a little more responsibility. Some of these new and exciting tasks included: Making copies of a textbook for Bobby so he didn't have to pay for it, getting coffee and a bagel for her in the morning (one time I accidentally got regular milk instead of skim, and had to go back to the deli), and covering for her when she called in sick and was actually at a wedding in Cape Cod.

10.Missy’s car caught on fire once when she was driving to “The Cape.” She pulled over to the side of the road and ran out of the vehicle. Upon realizing that her fur coat was trapped inside the car, she risked life and limb, re-entered the burning vehicle, and pulled the dead animal pelt out of the car right before it exploded. (The car, not the fur coat)

11.In an effort to trick Bobby into marriage, Missy threw an incredibly expensive surprise birthday party for him. Missy hoped for a marriage proposal by the end of the night. What she got instead was a drunken Bobby who forgot so say thank you, and was actually angry at the extravagance.

12.A couple of months later. Missy proposed to Bobby, and gave herself her Grandmother's wedding ring.

And now the review: (I’ve left all spelling and grammatical errors intact)

Ben and Company,

Friday night I attempted with all my heart to watch a mainstream film with
Missy called "The Contender." It was brought to my attention by the
Charlie Rose Show during an interview with one of its stars Gary Oldman.
Gary was politely trying to avoid bad mouthing the films producers Spielberg and Katsenbaum totally disagreeing with the heavy handed politics behind the filmmaking.

Aware that Oldman is one of "three" living conservatives in the American
film scene, I expected him to have some what of a reaction to the typical
feminist revisionism-of-male-perception "thing", but this was a bit much.
It was difficult to watch the film because of the one-sided nature of the
content. Some one once said that a one-sided drama is actually propaganda
and that is exactly what this was. On top of that, this film was made
during the election with Al Gore and directly paralled the sexual exploits
of Bill and his trials.

One thing this showed was once again Hollywood is from Venus and doesn't
understand Mars. The constant barragement of claims as to a woman's right
to choose without ever considering how the other side might honestly feel
compelled to protect an unborn baby is preposterous! The constant
separating of character from government service as if they could be
separated is beyond naive: a great writer once said character is destiny.
Also, the belief that the only way to exact change on your world is
through politics. Politics are the answer to the human condition--politics
to reshape public opinion. This is a sign of what many including
Toqueville and later Carl Jung called America's "effeminization."

I think people generally mean well, but at times are misguided, but I
think the politicking in this film was over the top. It showed that
Hollywood is another mouth piece for the democratic party and
unfortunately for a lot of bad art. Fortunately, we have Ridley Scott and
Gladiator to remind us once again, why we are artists and human beings!

Oy. Please.