As I sit here boiling vinegar on the stove, smoking a cigarette and surfing the web, I am thinking of the pleasures of living alone. One of the biggest advantages is the ability to do whatever you want, when ever you want, however you want.
Over the past few weeks my favorite activities have become sitting around in my underwear and sleeping in the nude. That was until I was yanked out of my bed this morning.
Something was disturbing my sleep so I kept reaching over and hitting the snooze button on my bedside alarm clock. My sheets started moving, I yanked them up, hit the snooze button again and rolled over. The sheets moved again so I sat up and opened my eyes to see shadowy figures standing at my bed shouting and pulling at the sheets. I looked at the clock which read 6:30, thought I was dreaming, and started to lay back down. Then one of the figures shouted, "Get out of bed, there's a fire in the building!"
Still nothing was registering except that there was a fire in my building. I started moving, holding the sheets to my chest and then it registered - there was a fire in my building, there were five firemen in my bedroom, I didn't have any clothes on and the sheets were tucked in under the bed. I was mortified and kept yanking at the sheets. At this point they were yelling, "Get a robe and slippers and get out now," so I dropped the sheets and walked bare-assed and sleepy eyed to the bathroom, got my robe and slippers and walked downstairs.
Everyone was outside in their PJs looking as though they all knew this was going to happen when they went to sleep. They had their pets and their kids and a few of the women even had on make-up. My robe was barely covering my ass and I had eye boogers and drool on the sides of my mouth. At this point the fire was out and there was only smoke.
It seems the fire started at around 5:30 a.m. in the apartment below the one next to me. I slept through my neighbor and the super's husband banging on the other side of my apartment wall, my door and the fire escape window while the building super kept ringing the doorbell. I slept through the police sirens, the 6 or 7 fire engine sirens, the firemen sawing through the roof and the walls. Worst of all I slept through the firemen breaking down my front door.
Through the whole embarrassment of trying to cover my hiney and being caught naked I managed to step in dog poop on the neighbor's lawn where we were all standing. Trust me, it was hard to act dignified and ladylike when everyone knew that I didn't have on PJs, I smelled of dog poop and had flies buzzing around me. The firemen and the cops knew how I was found because they all kept looking and smiling at me and it wasn't because I looked pretty.
The suckiest part of the whole thing was that it was nothing like Sex and the City. I didn't get out of bed looking like Samantha and the firemen weren't buffed and hot and sweaty. They were the grandfathers and fathers of my town which has a volunteer fire department so I will probably be seeing them at the grocery store and if I went to church I'm sure I'd see them there. I wonder if they would recognize me if I shaved my head?
So, the lesson learned from my mishap - wear clothes to bed because you never know what might happen. Then again, keep working out, because you never know when you might get the opportunity to make a great impression.
The same thing happened to me when I was visiting my boyfriend at college. His roomate's stereo caught fire while she and her boyfriend having drunken middle-of-the-night-sex. They wound up in the middle of street wrapped up in nothing but silver thermal blankets. It was a worst nightmare come true moment.
naked we are borne.The fire men were bouth HOT, AND SWETY.thats there job for the fire.
This is very funy, but not the least bit embarrassing. Why are women so protective of their bodies? God forbid some man might see their naked bodies and enjoy themselves without making a committment!!! :) Or worse yet, he might see their bodies, and not like it...Come on women..grow up! Sleep naked, and wear dirty underwear, and show your body to strangers! Come to the nude beach I hang out in new York!!!
I would be happy to give directions...
hahaha... well that wouldn't happened to you if you were sleeping with somebody don't u think ,.. if you need some help to solve this just give me a call... this won't happen again cause i won't let you sleep ..at least you'll be awake all night "playing" with me !!!
As you say, these are the small pleasures of living alone. I say, revel in these few favors that the Universe has bestowed upon you, because they are indeed few and far between. Who cares if grandpa saw you nakey? He was smiling because you just made his year. And, you were safe, with or without clothese, so - again - who cares? It's much more comfortable for those 364 days of the year that your apt. doesn't burn down.
u should get a fire alarm
tooooo funny! There was a fire in one of my buildings when a girl came home, got drunk with some guy, lit candles and had sex. well the candles were on the ground (as was the leftover alcohol bottle)and it started a fire. Now you can imagine her embarressment as the fire fighters told us and smirked at her....be glad you aren't THAT girl! :)
I once woke at 3am to the sound of my front door crashing in, I jumped up to find two guys running up my stairs.I grabbed the nearest heavy object, a weight lifting bar, and chased them out into the street for about half a mile before giving up.
As the adrenalin faded it dawned on me that I was naked on a busy highway. I have been traunatised ever since :)
That is the funniest story I have read in weeks! I'm glad you're ok. I could totally see that happening to me! At least you can take pleasure in the fact that you were probably the best surprise those firemen got that night (probably the entire year).
ha ha ha ha!! you stupid girl
Glad to hear you're okay!
This happened recently not too far from here and a few of my coworkers went through the same thing.
I'd be begging for one those cute little nighties - which come in handy every once in a great while....
Hey it could have been worse. Every time I think of leaving the wabbit on the bedside table when I'm done I still drag my ass and put it away. Ha ha now that would have been funny.
aw man. that's my worst nightmare. even as i type this up, i wearing only a t-shirt. i'm wondering now if i should put some other stuff on. but shit, it's sooo hot and no AC. i might just risk it.
Well, I now know my days of sleeping in the buff are done. ^sigh*
Vinegar kills all odors because it's stinkier than the rest. If you cook a lot and then the smell stays in your house boil vinegar. It kills all the smell and the vinegar scent only lasts a day. It was to kill the smoke smell.
Why were you boiling vinegar?
What a nightmare! That is one of the reasons I can't bring myself to sleep naked; God-forbid someone see me with my muscles relaxed and stomach hanging out!! But you do have a great point about working out! At least you're safe and well in the end.
It's like your mother always said, "Wear clean underwear in case you're in an accident!"
