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The English Lesson
By GxxP

Last week I visited a friend in the Dominican Republic who is serving in the Peace Corps. After a treacherous week at work, the vacation was an opportunity to gain perspective on what little right I have to complain about my life. Stationed in Barahona, a seaside town in the southwest region of the country, my friend Dustin lives in a steamy apartment with no running water. From noon till midnight Merengue and Bachata, the dance music of the region, play at full volume from the colmado (a tiny store where people gather and drink alcohol) across the street. The apartment windows, tiny slits in the concrete walls, offer little relief from the pounding music and roaring motorbikes outside. Still, with cable television and four plastic chairs for guests, Dustin is the king of the block. A steady stream of locals drop by to watch television and lounge in front of the fan. Although I appreciated that Dustin’s standard of living was much higher than many people in his community, I was pleased to return to an apartment with a working shower and internet access. The trip yielded the result I had anticipated – a greater appreciation for American life – but also gave me something I had not expected. Thanks to an evening I spent in a Dominican English class, I learned that my life defies translation.

The students in Dustin’s English class range in age from 16 to 28, although most are in their late teens (or at least they looked that young to me). We arrived early, and four girls were already seated, chatting in rapid, abbreviated Spanish that I struggled to follow. My comprehension of Spanish is limited, and the pidgin dialect of the Dominican people sounds like a completely new language to me. I sat in a chair in the front of the room and put on my friendliest gringa smile as the students filed into class. Once everyone had arrived, Dustin introduced me as his friend visiting from New York, and invited them to ask me questions.

A 20-something boy in the back of the room quickly raised his hand. “Hi Gina,” he greeted me. “Do you have a husband?”

“No, I do not have a husband,” I replied.

A girl sitting at the table closest to me raised her hand. “Do you have a boyfriend?” she asked.

“No, I do not have a boyfriend.” A couple of the boys smiled. A girl from the back of the room raised her hand.

“How many years do you have?” she asked.

“You mean how old am I?”

“Yes, how old are you?”

“I’m thirty years old,” I said, and the students spoke to one another in Spanish. “Vieja,” I added, my smile weakening.

“How long are you in the Dominican Republic?” a boy from the front of the room asked slowly and thoughtfully.

Relieved for the change in topic, I smiled again. “I am visiting for five days. Cinco dias,” I added for punctuation. The first boy raised his hand again.

“Why do you not have a boyfriend?” he asked.

“Well,” I started, “I do not have a boyfriend because…” I looked to Dustin for help but he was suppressing a grin. Because I’m waiting for the right person to come along? Because I hang out in gay bars? Because I’ve had several boyfriends, none of whom worked out, so now I’m very picky, avoiding self-involved musicians, boys from Connecticut, and pot heads?

“Because I don’t have the time. No tengo el tiempo,” I finished. The students looked puzzled and muttered to themselves in Spanish. I shifted in my seat and drank a throatful of bottled water.

“Do you like Dominican men?” the boy seated near me asked.

“Sure, yeah, I like Dominican men. I don’t know very many, but, yes.”

Everyone laughed and the boy quickly added, “It’s not for me. It’s for my friend.” They laughed harder.

“You are very pretty,” the boy from the back said. I felt my face get hot and drank more water.

A girl seated near Dustin asked him a question in Spanish. His answer sounded a little something like this to me: “Porque… no blah blah blah… el clima.”

“What did she say?” I asked him.

“She asked why you drink so much water,” he replied. “I explained that you’re not accustomed to the climate.”

I felt like an old maid who couldn’t handle the tropics. I desperately wanted this game to end. I shot Dustin another pleading look.

“So, any more questions for Gina?” he asked, flipping the lid of his marker.

The girl who wanted to know my age raised her hand. “What is your job?”

A big pain in the ass? Once again, I struggled to find words. I work for a direct marketing company? I’m an under-appreciated email list-broker? I’m a has-been from the glamorous days of the internet and I now sit in front of an excel spreadsheet for nine hours a day?

“I sell internet advertising,” I said, but no one understood me. All I recognized in Dustin’s interpretation was “el internet.”

“Ahh,” the girl replied, staring at me blankly.

“Very good, class. Now let’s move on to this week’s lesson,” Dustin said. I was off the hook. Finalemente.

As Dustin taught the lesson, my mind wandered. I knew their questions were innocent, but couldn’t help but feel that, at least by Dominican standards, I had nothing to show for my life. No husband, no kids, and a job I couldn’t explain. Dustin had told me earlier that many of the girls in the class had husbands, children, grandparents, and houses to care for. After their day’s labor, they went to class, and then returned to their homes for more adult responsibilities. I was older than all of them and felt like the most immature person in the room.

In the break before the next set of students arrived, I confessed to Dustin that I felt like a loser. “They just asked you about what they know,” he said. “Don’t worry, they liked you.” I searched his face to see if he was humoring me. I couldn’t tell.

As the next group of students entered the room, I considered inventing a husband and a job, something that would translate a little easier. When Dustin opened the classroom to questions, a boy in front raised his hand.

“Do you have a husband?” he asked.

I took a long sip of water and sighed.

June 08, 2003 · 04:00 PM
Permanent Link · Comments (88) · TrackBack (2)

Comments

The key phrase here is "..by Dominican standards..." By JLR standards, you're one fine, clever bitch with a world of opportunities before you :)
Posted by: Yoda on June 9, 2003 04:45 PM

I second that - rock on Gina, you're doing just fine!
Posted by: Julie Greene on June 9, 2003 06:06 PM

Beautiful Story, Lady.

Remember, though, the grass is always greener on the other side...and life gives you what you need, when you NEED it.

Never beat yourself up about the present. We do what we want to do, because it feels right......just make sure that you heed the whispering inside.

Sometimes, it's your soul telling you its time for a change.

:)sb
Posted by: on June 9, 2003 06:15 PM

This is the funniest story i've read in ages, thank you for making me laugh, not at you since I am older than you, single and with a job that is barely a job:))

Don't feel bad, they just have a hard time understanding what they are not familiar with. Take it from someone that knows, in places like that women wait to get their periods, then wait to get married, wait to have children, wait for their children to get married, wait for their grandchildren and then wait to die. That is their lives, waiting...

So, on a brighter note, you're young, single and living in a place and a life that most people cannot imagine. Hoorah for small things.:) Buck-up kiddo.
Posted by: Allin on June 9, 2003 08:08 PM

You know what? I had this SAME EXACT THING pop into my head earlier on today. Remember our intern-turned-studio designer? (Not mentioning any names.) He just told me on IM this morning he was getting married on 9/27. I'm the the same boat, so yeah, I sighed too. And don't worry, G --- you'll always be my rock 'n roll idolette.
Posted by: Glenda on June 9, 2003 10:28 PM

Ok, you forgot that you also have no property, no assets, and your retirement plan (401K) is dwindling away as we speak. Loser.

I am totally kidding. You are still suffering from a Dominican Republic form of "mal d'Afrique" or something. Give it a week, you will feel better!!

love you, miss you, mean it.
Posted by: whu209 on June 10, 2003 12:18 AM

That is hilarious! Don't let them get to you, can you really imagine yourself in their position? They don't even have the ability to make the choices that you've made and I'm sure that many of those women would love to have the life that you have. You've got your own timetable.
Love you,
D
Posted by: Dana on June 10, 2003 02:06 PM

With all do respect to the previous posts, women, and people in general, in the DR, Latin America, and places like that (i.e. most of the world) do a lot more than just spit out babies and wait to die. They have the same aspirations as any American would, and just because their country may be economically poorer, it doesn't mean that a fulfilling life is impossible. It's somewhat presumptuous to assume that because someone lives in a poorer country they have no ability to make choices and dictate the course of their lives as we can. You don't need an SUV and a house in the American burbs to live life to the fullest. Hey we don't even have a functioning healthcare or educational system here, and by the time we retire, there may be no social security. Maybe I'll move to Santo Domingo . . .
Posted by: ND on June 10, 2003 05:32 PM

I appreciate your story for what it was...reflection. Something that can be painful if we look at what OTHERS percieve as accomplishments instead of what ONE HAS accomplished.
Posted by: Sheryl on June 11, 2003 11:32 AM

Great story, sounds like a good experience. It's not about the amount of accomplishments, relationships, and babies you have as much as the quality of the experiences you have throughout your life. If you get married in your 60s, the times you spend with him wont be any less romantic because you are 60 instead of 25.

Oh and to ND. Get a clue. Your "wholier than thou" attitude is not appreciated. She did not say that all people in that country live and die with only the goal of making babies. She made an observation based on her experience having actually been in the country.
Posted by: Brad C on June 11, 2003 02:46 PM

It's "holier" than thou attitude. Get a dictionary.
Posted by: ND on June 11, 2003 02:48 PM

Oh Gina, that sounded hellish. I loved how you wrote this. I can actually see you there squirming, blushing, and looking for the nearest exit. hey, you're friends with me...that can make you feel a little better, and everyone has their own sense of timing. you are on typical NYC time...no worries...when you want it you'll have it. (but no more boys from CT).
Posted by: marcy on June 16, 2003 02:52 PM

I may have misread the story, but it sounded to me like exactly the type of things that my friends and I would have asked the hot substitute teacher in high school, if she'd been naive enough to open herself to that sort of questioning. (Particularly if she'd been from somewhere that didn't speak English...or Esperanto. I speak Esperanto like a native. :) The point being that I see a lot of comments up there (or down there once this gets posted) and it seems like the testosterone is relatively thin. I don't want to be the boring guy that focuses on the facts here, but what I got from the story was, a bunch of guys in the Dominican Republic were pretty interested in you. (I think it's fair to assume they were all pretty hot, despite being too young for you?) So what's the problem here, G? In other words, since I've already written an effin' dissertation...guys don't ask about girls they're not interested in. Maybe out of politeness once, but not multiple guys repeatedly in a classroom. Are they too young for you? Of course. Does that mean you shouldn't be flattered? Not at all. Before you know it, you'll be lying around your backyard in Westchester thinking about how your pool needs cleaned when "Blam!" one of those guys will show up with a net and whatever the hell else is involved in cleaning the pool. Queue the disco beat and go to town, girl! Yes, the more I write, the more obvious it is that I'm drunk. Nevertheless, my point remains valid--GxxP has nothing to worry about in the looks/age/hipness department. And since I'm near about the coolest cat y ou'll ever lay eyes on, my opinion counts. F'real f'real. That is all.
Posted by: Mr. Acoustic Shadows on June 20, 2003 12:58 AM

Dearest GxxP,
I see you, I undertsand you and I now exactly what it's like. I live in Haiti since 4 months now and everyday brings out this kind of conversation. I many times feel sorry for the women here not being able to choose the kind of life they want in the same way that I can and they feel sorry for me for not having a husband and children... The other day I had the following conversation with a local 21 year old woman, married, divorced and the mother of 3 children.
Local woman: Why no husband?
Me: Well, hm, hm, have not found the right one...
Local woman: Must make beautiful; jewelry, sexy clothes. Me beautiful, me have man.
Me: Thanks for the tip...

I believe people all over the world want the same kind of things, perhaps in different orders, but whatever social and cultural situation we were born into make us make different decisions. All I know is that I am very happy as a single woman but it would be wonderful some day to find a man I can feel both mentally and physicly close to.

I go home to Sweden in a month and I might end up spending the first week in the jacuzzi sipping champagne, because during my time here I have not had a proper shower but a bucket and a cup to wash with, no flushing toilets, electricity now and then, extensive pullution to deal with. BUT, I've loved it all and especially all the love and warmth I get from the people here. But changes is good - in all forms. Also, where else in the world can I walk down the street sweaty, wearing dirty clothes and still be told I'm beautiful by a lot of guys? :))

The world is amazing. And so are you GxxP!
/J
Posted by: Jessica on June 20, 2003 01:14 PM

ND, I believe it's "all due respect" and not all do respect. Maybe should move to SD and then we'll see what you have to say.

Posted by: Allin on August 6, 2003 12:17 PM

Im Dominican...theres nothing to be offended about...Its a standard, yes, not only in my country, but basically everywhere, it many not be such an intense standard as in here...but it exists. Latin America is not the United States...we have a completly different culture...im Dominican myself but lived in NYC ever since i was 13, im currently in SDomingo and trust me sometimes ive felt the same exact way you felt while being interviewed by the kids. Im not gay or anything but i dont have a bf and im "an attractive young 19 yr old lady"...they probably think im gay...i havent had previous "public" relationships....its hard. Its just a standard...
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