Bitch-Sessions.com: Chivalry is Dead, and I am an idiot.

Chivalry is Dead, and I am an idiot.
By Jen

I don't know anything about cars.

I mean...I drive one, so I know how to do that. I can put gas in it, though I've proven that I lack skill at that as well. Carba-what-a-rator? Transmission who? I'm absolutely clueless, and I knew that it was only a matter of time before this cluelessness was put on display for all to see. Hence my little incident last week.

At about 9:30 PM last Wednesday evening, I pulled into my parking spot at home. I turned off my car and started to head off, dreaming of a nice calm night of couch surfing and relaxation. I was stopped in my tracks however when I saw that both the brake lights AND the parking lights on my car were still on. Confused, I began turning levers, pushing knobs, and generally fiddling with anything that I thought might be the source behind the unwanted illumination. I turned the car back on, and then off again, a process that I repeated several times to no avail. I got out the car manual, and found nothing in the "trouble-shooting" section that pointed me in the right direction. I began to to fear that they would never go off, and I would either just have to let my battery die a slow death, or I would have to sleep in my car, periodically turning it on so I could preserve the life of my battery. While I was madly fiddling with all the levers and knobs in the car, my friend Jeff called me. I thought, "Perfect! A boy! He will definitely know what to do!" Unfortunately he immediately informed me that he knew nothing about cars, suggested the possibility that I might have blown a fuse, and told me that he had to run because he had to get back to "The Bachelor." Thanks Jeff.

Next I called my parents, the previous owners of the car, in hopes that one of them had experienced a similar conundrum at some point during their ownership. I figured that perhaps they might have a quick remedy readily available. When my father answered the phone he became immediately frustrated with me, and ordered, "Look at the manual and figure it out yourself. You're a big girl." My mother sensed my panic, got on the phone, and told me to drive to a gas station and find a nice blue-collar boy to help me out.

So I did just that, and I had to go to four gas stations before I could find anyone who would give me even the slightest bit of assistance. Granted, it was late, and the service areas of most of these gas stations were closed, but aren't people who work at a garage at least supposed to know SOMETHING about cars...and if they don't...shouldn't they at least PRETEND that they know something about cars? I mean really, poke your head in the car, fiddle with a few buttons, do anything!! Lord knows I wouldn't know the difference. Instead, when asked for help, four brawny men, some with dirty greasy hands, pleaded ignorance when asked if they knew anything about cars. Finally I found a nice guy at a Shell station who agreed to help fix my car. Mind you, I use the term "fix my car" loosely, as all he did was poke his head in the window, look around for about two seconds, and flip a random switch under the steering wheel. Then he laughed at me. My humor gone at that point, I thanked him nastily, and pulled away with the sound of his mocking laughter ringing loudly in my ears.

I'll leave the obvious issue of unchivalrous men aside for the time being, and move on to a more important one: Why in the hell did Subaru install a small switch on the underside of the steering wheel that permanantly illuminates the parking and break lights on the car? Why is this a practical feature? I can't think of a single instance in which I would ever have the need to turn those lights on permanantly. Maybe it was just some jokester over in the engineering department at Subaru who wanted to bring a little humor into the lives of his auto mechanic friends. I suppose I'll never know.

May 01, 2003 · 03:26 PM
Permanent Link · Comments (133) · TrackBack (4)

Comments

not exactly sure why or who came up with the idea, but in some cars the lights stay on to remind you that it's time to take your car in for service. granted, it's usually the "maintenance" button and not any others. but it's a reminder light. usually, all the mechanic does to turn off the light is what the guy at shell did, reach under the steering wheel.
Posted by: rob on May 5, 2003 04:27 PM

as a man born genetically-deficient in the realm of automobiles i want to thank you for reminding me why i do not have a car. if that happened to me, i'd probably freak out and disconnect the battery. then i'd hide under the bed.
Posted by: Jimmy Legs on May 9, 2003 01:03 PM

Good girl! You are a true bitch! Love ya! About the lights thing... i only know this because i have a husband that knows almost nothing about cars but does know all about knobs and switches and things. I think those stupid lights are 'trouble lights' that you could turn on if you have trouble on the highway... they just keep flashing. BTW... i don't know where that button is on my Ford Ranger! ;-)
Posted by: granni39 on May 15, 2003 08:47 AM

This whole story was about how poor widdle girly you couldn't find a big stwong man to fix this twicky car thingy.MY GOD!You whine about how men don't know about cars these days.Well , what is a woman like you doing driving a car?Shouldn't you be in the kitchen baking something? You've mistaken being a whiny bimbo for being a bitch.
You disgust me and all true bitches like me!
Posted by: Sarah Dempsey on June 10, 2003 07:45 PM

Oh Sarah...such unnecessary venom about this silly little post of mine. Did you honestly think that this was written without even the slightest hint of irony? If my post failed to portray that concept to you, then your misguided hatred should be focused on my inadequate writing style rather than my failed attempt at being a "true" bitch…Which, by the way, I never professed to be.

You, however, have certainly accomplished that.
Posted by: Jen on June 17, 2003 11:18 AM

Ahh,irony!The defence of talentless poseurs everywhere.Whenever someone points out to some Ethan Hawke wannabe that their work is a piece of crap , they say "Oh , you just don't get the irony".Well , may I kindly suggest you work on the basics of prose composition before you take on the challenge of working in a style that is alien to your culture.As an Australian I'd wait until I could knock off a decent limerick before I attempted a Japanese haiku.As an American you should probably steer clear of irony for a while.
Posted by: Sarah Dempsey on June 19, 2003 03:36 AM

Oh ,before I go ,can we discuss logic?As you didn't convey any irony whatsoever , how was I to know that was what you were attempting and consequently criticise your writing style for failing in that aim.As for my 'hatred';what an anaemic little creature you must be if you mistook my off-the cuff sarcasm for hatred.I bet the most passion you ever feel is sitting around Starbucks discussing 'Sex And The City' with your friends.P.S.This is all said with love.(irony)
Posted by: Sarh Dempsey on June 19, 2003 03:48 AM

You found some guy to donate his time freely and he fixed your problem. I hardly see the complaint.

Did not the guy at Shell fix your problem? You put "Fix" in quotes.

I charge 42 an hour for my time. Is what I do all that special? No, not really, it's something almost anyone could do with the right amount of time and training. I invested thousands of hours,thousands of dollars and years of experience in what I do. So when I charge that person $42 for a job that takes me 2 minutes and they say "All you did was push this piece in that way like that". I tell them, it's not the pushing you are paying for, it's the knowing where & how to push.

For a mere $25-$60 investment in a service manual for your vehicle, you too can learn where and how to push a great many things on your particular car. "Fix" indeed. You freely admit you didn't have the knowledge to fix the problem, and then devalue the person who had the knowledge and fixed it for you for free.

Chivalry is dead, you don't have any either.
Posted by: Tim on August 12, 2003 09:21 PM

Yes, as a matter of fact, chivalry IS dead. And well it should be. Equal rights started the decline of chivalry in 1972. Why should a man take care of a woman when she now has every right needed to take care of herself. How do you think it feels being a man, dating a woman that makes more money than I do, but still being expected to pay for everything. Well...I dont. I could go on and on about this topic. Men should STOP opening doors, lifting the water bottle on to the water cooler, PAYING for flowers, jewelry, etc. Those chivalrous things were from a time when women couldnt take care of themselves. Men were the providers. Too bad things had to change. I liked it better the old way. But....it is what it is.
Posted by: Dano on August 23, 2003 01:02 PM

i agree with some of the posters that you're bitchin, yes. and what you're bitchin about is not that interesting.

try something else.
Posted by: debster on September 20, 2003 01:18 AM

Usually {being a mechanic myself} when a mechanic blows you off its because of someone has anattitude problem, dont ask us to help while being a whiney little bitch.
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CE 500 - 1950

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Born of the fall of the Roman Empire and strung together by a strong central chirch, Chivalry started it's early life among several different kingdoms borne of old Roman generals. With no public baths to speak of, Chivalry brought in such ideas as valour, honesty, bravery, loyalty, and the curtousey of not whipping it out at the table when you had to go, but rather going into the hallway to seek relief. Early failures included the use of dogs as napkins and the inability to conduct oral hygene.

Chivalry survived the arrow, the cannon, and early hunting weapons to prove it's versatility and as time went by was able to incorporate the use of hygene and dress as part of its code. Chivalry was able to survive two world wars and the atomic bomb after managing to miss it's trip with the Donnor party.

Chivalry finally succumbed and died in 1950 when it accidentally choked on a chicken bone. This was of course ironic because chivalry had been a vegetarian since the Spanish Inquisition. Chivalry leaves behind two children and a goat farm in Siberia. The funeral will be held at on the 19th of December, 2008 at 4 o'clock at Disneyland.
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