A few months ago, I was on a cross-town bus headed towards the East Village. When we got to Astor Place, a young couple boarded. The girl – young, blond, and barely 21 – did not have enough money for the fare. As she scrounged through her purse and her boyfriend emptied his pockets, I leaned across the aisle and offered her some coins.
She enthusiastically thanked me and paid her fare. As the bus plunged ahead down 8th Street, I gazed out the window, pleased with myself for my good deed. The girl was pleased too, and I overheard her remark to her boyfriend, “How nice of that lady to give me her change.”
Wait a minute. How nice of that lady? The compliment stung like an insult.
As an undergraduate student at University of Illinois in the early 90’s, my Peoria vernacular was soon adapted to the wave of political correctness that flooded the Midwestern education system. “African American”, “Asian”, and “Native American” were all terms I quickly adopted. I will never forget the reaction from my cultural studies class when I proudly announced that my boyfriend was “Mexican”. A brown-skinned girl seated next to me looked at me as if I’d declared that I enjoy public lynchings. “It’s Mexican-American,” she corrected. Suddenly I realized that every word I uttered was being weighed in the minds of the students around me – one small slip, or absence of the word “American”, and I was a racist.
Although I tried desperately to adjust my speech, there remained a category of terms that I never fully embraced. In my women’s studies class, we were taught that we were women, in spite of the fact that I was 19 and still felt very much like a girl. A friend of mine who had left the heartland to pursue a career at Smith reported back to us how great it was to be a “Smith woman”. Those of us left in the cornfields snickered at her new phrase. No matter how un-PC it was, we were girls, and we were proud of it.
Now, nearly a decade later, I still think of myself as a girl. Other people, however, do not share my sentiments. Since the bus ride, two other people have called me a lady. One was a mother in Whistler who asked her son to “get out of the lady’s way”, and the other was a guy in Vegas who sidestepped me en route to the slots ("Excuse me, lady"). Apparently the term “lady” is not favored by a particular region, gender, or age group. Everyone uses it, and lately, everyone seems to be using it in reference to me.
I don’t know what upsets me the most about it – the docile connotation of the term, or the fact that it makes me feel fucking old. A lady drinks tea with white gloves, not tequila shots. A lady goes to bed in curlers and an eye mask, not wearing the same outfit she danced in for three hours at Irving Plaza. A lady does not use the F-word with reckless abandon, nor does she hang out on Avenue C. Remember these things, dear friends, the next time you call someone a lady. You just might not know who you’re talking to.
I hear ya. It's always bothered me that there's no handy term to use for a young woman. "Guy" and "dude" are really easy. But gal? Chick? Woman? Lady? All of 'em suck.
I totally know! That shit happened to me at Penn Station last week!!! There were these 2 19ish year old Long Island girls searching for a tampon and I gave them one. They passed the tampon to a stall which contained their "bleeding" friend...sorry.
And the stall spoke,"who gave you the tampon?"...the response..."This lady!".
I looked in the mirror with dismay...did I really look like an old fucking bag and everyone has been lying to me...No, Shelly, You look good for your age? Was my eye make-up too goth...OH WAIT, was it the fact that I didn't have leather laces strung through my jeans? Well, if it's the jeans? I can live with being called lady. I think those jeans suck. :)
Yeah, being called a lady is weird. What's worse though is ma'am, it totally sucks!
What gets to me most of all is mis-use use of the terms, "lady" and gentleman." First of all they are totally old-fashioned. Second of all they are constantly being used incorrectly: just because someone is a woman it does not make her a lady and the same goes for gentleman. You hear people being interviewed on the news all the time saying things like, "I was walking down the street when the gentleman ran up, hit me over the head and stole my purse." OK -- if he did that he ain't no gentleman!!! Don't use words that you don't know the correct meaning of, people!
I got the "Thanks, ma'am" today...god...I looked down at my feet fully expecting to find not only my heart there but big flabby tits, varicosed veins and ankles bulging out around cat shit encrusted shoes...sigh...Damn the lingo anyhow!
Yea -- "lady" does make you feel like your skin is sagging around your ankles. However, most of these instances, at least, were folks making an effort to be polite. What I don't like, is when "lady" is wielded as a hidden word for "bitch" (As in, "Listen "lady," you're gonna to have wait in the back of the line."
What we all need, is to have a hot guy tell us, "heeeeey, sexy lady" and we'll all feel like spring chickens. Alas, most such comments spring from the lips of gonzos that read the NY Post (no offense to those who enjoy the occasional lite entertainment).
I have no problem with "lady", maybe 'cause it's so surreal...I am, however, going through the miss-to-Ma'am transition, which pains me. (Although I still get carded when I try to buy beer at the grocery store, so that's cool.)
Don't like that at all. There should be a blanket term so's we don't feel old. (Kind of like a ms., but for age. How sucky is it that in 2003 it's still OK to delineate women not only by marital status but age, too?)
Let's face it we are now the old people. Remember at 19 to 23 everyone over 30 was old. I am referred to as "lady" all the time. Truth is I would take it over maam any day.
On the "bastard" side of the tracks: consider being called "Sir" every day, week, month, year in year out. Unfortunately I'm -- I hate to say it -- old enough where "Sir" actually might make sense, in a conformist parallel universe, but I still don't like it. But here's the real deal: the entity to blame for ma'am, sir, whatever, is Corporate America, and some nameless idiot who, a few years back, thought it would be a good idea if employees addressed people with these absurd, outdated titles again, and penalized them if they didn't! And it stuck. Blame it on the almighty dollar. Over and out. Sir Hunt Stoddard
i use mis or ma am to get a woman's attention if shes in my way or somthing and i notice they look at me very strange some young woman realy don't like the mis,lady,ma am thing .
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