Bitch-Sessions.com: Am I more offensive in LA, or is LA just offensive?

Am I more offensive in LA, or is LA just offensive?
By Jen

There are many reasons why I love living in Los Angeles. The sun, the laid-back lifestyle, and the cute surfer boys who walk around my neighborhood wearing no shirts, are just a few of those reasons. After last night however, I feel very strongly that "people you meet while enjoying the LA nightlife" will never be added to that list.

Don't get me wrong. I always have a good time when I go out. My friends are absolutely wonderful, and our nights out together never fail to be a blast. It also doesn't matter where we are, we always manage to have a great time. I've had equally fabulous nights at seedy bars as I've had at any trendy nightspot. (In fact I largely prefer the seedy bars to the trendy nightspots.) So obviously, my problem with the nightlife is certainly not due to the people I'm with, and not even necessarily the establishments that I'm in. The problem lies solely with some of the other bar patrons that I've had run-ins with. It shouldn't really surprise me - I knew what I was getting into when I moved to LA. I was completely aware that Los Angeleans are a very different breed of people than New Yorkers, but my GOD some of these people...WOW.

Now I know that I can be sarcastic, but then again, so is everyone else in my circle of friends. A considerable portion of our time together is spent making fun of one another, and more often, ourselves. Because of this, I tend to assume that all people surrounding me will have the same sort of mentality. My sarcasm, combined with the fact that many people in LA are quite simply just ridiculous, led to several situations last night where I was offensive to others for what I considered to be no good reason whatsoever.

Situation #1: Jen offends small man wearing ugly crocheted yellow hat
A young man sporting a horrible yellow hat sruck up a conversation with me and began telling me about the road trip he was about to take:

"We're headed down to Tijuana first, then we're off to Arizona to Lake Havisu, then to New Orleans for Mardi Gras, and we're ending up in Fort Lauderdale in time for Spring Break," he said with a lascivious grin on his face.

"So," I replied dryly, "You've basically chosen vacation spots based solely on whether or not MTV has hosted one of their spring break extravaganzas at that particular location."

"What exactly are you implying?" he asked nastily.

"Well," I responded, "It's either that, or you're actively in search of underage girls who will flash you their breasts if you give them a beer."

"What is your problem?" he asked me. "That was out of line, and offensive. I'm outta here."

He leaves with his road trip buddy, presumably to go locate some unsuspecting big-breasted women. If he had followed me to the bathroom, he wouldn't have had to look very far.

Situation #2: Jen offends a group of moronic girls with fake breasts.
While waiting in line for the ladies room, I overheard what I wrongly assumed was a discussion about George Orwell's 1984.

"....It's like, um, about this society that supposed to be set in this like, alternate future. Where the government like watches you all the time. Except they like call it Big Brother or something...." (giggles)

"Oh," I chimed in, " are you guys talking about Orwell's 1984?"

Silence. Eye rolling.

"Um, like NO," one of the girls responded with a toss of her poorly dyed hair. "We're talking about a, like, television show."

"Oh? Is it based on the book 1984?" I asked.

"Like what are you talking about? I said it's a TV show," she responded and sighed in exasperation at my apparent ignorance.

"Ok...well, just never mind, I thought you were discussing a book. It's really not important."

"What are you implying? That we don't know about books and stuff? Let's get out of here," she says to her posse of nitwits.

I shook my head and entered the stall.

Situation #3: I attempted to give someone a dollar.

"Does anyone have a dollar?" A blond pony-tailed surfer boy asked. "I ran out of cash and I need to pay for parking."

I happened to have a lone dollar bill in my pocket and offered it to him.

He looked at my dollar as if it was a big steaming pile of poop. "I'm not taking your money!!" he spat back at me, "I don't even know you, and you're a GIRL."

"Um, I'm sorry, if I'm not mistaken you just stated that you needed a dollar for parking. I was trying to be nice."

"I know what I said, but I'm not taking it from YOU! I don't want your fucking money."

He then stomped out of the bar in a huff. I put the dollar back into my pocket and returned to my game of Golden Tee.

Now I realize that PERHAPS situation #1 was my fault. Telling a stranger that he was chasing 18 year old drunken party girls around the country probably wasn't the nicest thing to say, but his hat was so ugly, and he seemed like such an asshole that I couldn't help myself. The other two situations though...come on...I'm pretty sure that I was perfectly polite to those big-boobed morons, and for christ's sake, I offered the angry surfer MONEY. Offering someone money is always nice. Isn't it? Isn't it?

Perhaps I just have to realize that I should keep my mouth shut and stick to having a good time with my existing friends, but I truly think it's worth the risk to put yourself out there and try to meet new people. It can't be possible that LA is completely void of interesting and intelligent strangers. I just know that they must exist. I will not lose hope. At least not yet...

February 21, 2003 · 11:39 AM
Permanent Link · Comments (71) · TrackBack (0)

Comments

Jen,

Honey. What can I say. Hilarious!!!!
You made my Friday night. Remember that I love you.

Hugs,
Miserable in Milwaukee
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Posted by: manny on February 22, 2003 01:45 PM

Um...wow,see....that's why I like NYC....everyone here is jaded and gets it. 1984=book, If you like big boobed girls = run with it....Sounds like they've been eating too much wheat grass. My suggestion: When all else fails, talk about tofu.

They'll all get that.

Hope you are well...good story.

sb
Posted by: Shelly on February 22, 2003 04:35 PM

see, what this should teach you is to never, ever keep your mouth shut. always confront the dopes with their own dopiness and you'll separate the wheat from the chaff in no time! just too bad that you'll have to go through so many wankers first :(
Posted by: Jimmy Legs on February 22, 2003 10:06 PM

Jen, i can completly sympathize... for the first 4 months here in SD my sarcasm level was still set for NY and i had the most awkward conversations with people ever. it was as if i never spoke english before and were making some horrible yakov smirnov observations about america only to be met with the blankest stares and dead pan "what are you talking about" looks. the jaded-o-meter here in SoCal is sooo different. It's cool on a different level, but when you begin to notice just how sarcastic and self depricating ny'ers are it's kinda scary.
Posted by: rob on February 25, 2003 01:43 PM

Jen, i can completly sympathize... for the first 4 months here in SD my sarcasm level was still set for NY and i had the most awkward conversations with people ever. it was as if i never spoke english before and were making some horrible yakov smirnov observations about america only to be met with the blankest stares and dead pan "what are you talking about" looks. the jaded-o-meter here in SoCal is sooo different. It's cool on a different level, but when you begin to notice just how sarcastic and self depricating ny'ers are it's kinda scary.
Posted by: rob on February 25, 2003 01:44 PM

Hey Jen,

Love your riposte. Can I make a couple comments? Stupid people aren't indigeneous to LA. I'm originally from NJ but I moved to London years ago. Over here, you can get the most wildly acerbic and astute people you could ever meet. On the other hand, you meet Londoners who don't "get" irony; there's a whole generation of British kids weaned on "Buffy" "Baywatch" "Jerry Springer" and dire Australian soap operas. London is assimilating the worst aspects of American pop culture, at least kids from Tokyo can do it with panache and irony. I work in a firm in London and no-one here seems to comprehend wit and the most disposable of remarks I make are taken literally. Londoners with Valley Girl inflections and equally as vacuous. Somebody pass the Ricin, please.
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