These are the words that were uttered to me by one god-like model boy at the Gotham Magazine holiday party last night. In accordance with my new rule that I will no longer run away from attractive men and will look them in the eye, speak to them, and (if I’m lucky) touch them, I engaged in a dance with a beautifully-toothed, silky-maned hottie. He, picture-perfect; and I, five drinks into the night, made a curious pair on the dance floor. He was a rather uninspiring dancer, so I spiced things up by running my hands all over his waistline and twisting his white Polo turtleneck sweater into knots. “Interesting choice, your white sweater,” I said to him. No stranger to compliments, he smiled sexily, with perfect white teeth to match his perfect white sweater, and said, “Do you like it?”
Ever the temptress, I replied with, “No. I’m actually surprised no one has spilled anything on it yet.” Speaking from experience, I had earlier spilled a martini down my shirt while attempting a back bend.
Still, my remark did not drive my young Adonis away. I did however see my friend Manny trying to make an escape, so I screamed across the dance floor for him to return. The last words he had spoken to me were, “You’re getting a bit aggressive with that boy. You might want to back off a bit.”
I did not heed Manny’s advice. Instead I plucked the champagne glass out of Adonis’s right hand (his left hand clutched a martini) and drew it to his lips, although not in the manner of one who is looking to seduce, but rather in the manner of one who is putting out a small grease fire. I poured the remaining bubbly down his throat, and was surprised when he scampered off to the nearby bar to replenish it. I thought I was doing him a favor, as he had been double-fisting throughout the duration of our dance and I was hoping to free up a hand, should he choose to reciprocate the manhandling. In response to his abrupt exodus from the dance floor, I followed him to the bar and apologized for the champagne incident, asking if it had belonged to someone else.
With a pouty, petulant, perfect-periodontic face, he whined, “It’s MINE. And you've ruined it!”
There wasn’t much I could do at that point. So I grabbed Manny, who had loyally stayed close by, and we laughed about the incident while we danced for the next couple of songs. Manny was a much more interesting dance partner anyway – on the two occasions that he fell down, he played it off as if it were part of the performance.
For the remainder of the night, whenever there was a lull in conversation I would explode with, “It’s MINE. And you've ruined it!” We didn't see Adonis again, but he nevertheless kept us entertained.
Models can be such babies sometimes. Sheesh.
wow. what a tale. speaking from mucho experience, there isn't much that can ruin a free drink.
maybe he's part of an ancient culture that requires one to dance with two drinks. maybe that's the tribal name he was given when he was 15 and sent to ny to model.
"dances with two drinks" go to ny and be successful!
He probably got the sweater free from some photo shoot, too.
SEE what happens when you talk to beautiful boys??? You either get laid or get laughs - LET THERE BE HOTTIES!
Those types are so ridiculously vein and into themselves. You should have told him he was fat and had no butt. Or that he was balding.
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