Bitch-Sessions.com: A Taxicab Conversation

A Taxicab Conversation
By Jen

This incident occured on the night of my fabulous Roller Skating birthday party at Roxy. After the party, instead of going home like a sensible birthday girl, I instead chose to meet a friend and former fling who had just gotten off work. Earlier in the evening this friend had flirted shamelessly with me AND given my some very pretty red roses. What occured in this cab ride home was most unfortunate, and a horrible way to end an otherwise perfect evening. The name has been changed to protect the innocent...or in this case, the not-so innocent.)

(Enter scene. Make-out session in cab with Mr. X )

Mr. X: I can't do this!! I have a girlfriend.
Jen: Okay....Sure. (Said with respect, as Mr. X appears to be trying to do the "right thing")
Mr. X: I mean...I'm sorry that I can't give you the birthday sex that I know you're looking for here.
Jen: (Chuckles, remembering the tiny....uh...problem from their prior tryst)

Mr. X: I mean...seriously. I'm really sorry. I know you wanted to have sex with me.
Jen: Yeah. Okay.
Mr. X: At least you got to make out with me. That flight attendant at the bar wanted me...and she didn't even get to make out with me. She was really hot.
Jen: Sure. Okay.
Mr. X: I mean she was hot. Not like you. You're just....you know....Jen. You do realize that I could of had that Swedish Flight attendant don't you. Instead I'm in the cab with you.
Jen: Stop talking now.
Mr. X: No seriously. I could have been in her hotel room. Instead I'm with you instead of that hot girl.
Jen: Seriously...stop talking.
Mr. X: You're lucky though. You at least got to make out with me. The flight attendant didn't even get that. She was so hot.
Jen: Now you've hurt my feelings.
Mr. X: You didn't think that I was going home with you did you? I have a girlfriend you know...I'm sorry we can't have sex.
Jen: (Silence)
Mr. X: She was really hot. Thanks for giving me a reason not to cheat on my girlfriend with her. I told her I had to make sure you got home okay. I told her I felt sorry for you.
Jen: Shut up now. You do realize that she was with her boyfriend don't you?
Mr. X: I do feel bad though...I know you wanted to have sex with me. You know, I was attracted to you once, I even risked my cat allergy for you at one point!
Jen: How much do I owe you? (To cab driver)
Jen: (Gives flowers back to Mr. X) You are a GIANT asshole! Take these...I don't even want them.
Mr. X: No, no...I want you to have them, it's the least that I can do
Jen: Okay. Fine (Gets out of cab, starts to walk across street, throws flowers down on curb, gives Mr. X the finger, goes inside)

5 minutes later, on the cell phone.

Jen: What.
Mr. X: I'm really sorry, sometimes I can be very self centered and dramatic.
Jen: You really hurt my feelings.
Mr. X: I mean...I was just trying to let you know that I could have been with someone really hot, and instead I was in the cab with you..that should make you happy.
Jen: What is wrong with you?
Mr. X: What are you talking about. I'm calling to apologize for not being able to have sex with you.
Jen. (My response here could have been scathing, rude, and downright embarassing for Mr. X. However, I did not stoop to his level, and just replied with:) Just know that you really hurt my feelings on the night of my birthday party and now I'm likely going to cry myself to sleep. Click.

GET OVER YOURSELF DUDE. My God.

On a lighter note....a big shout out to all those who made my birthday so wonderful! I'm seriously considering joining the FIRS. I wanna be a STAR!!!!

October 04, 2002 · 04:07 PM
Permanent Link · Comments (99)

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dude. i want to know one thing. is this conversation for real? this is just too unbelievable if it is. please tell me its not.
im laughing at this nincompoop.
Posted by: charles. norwood. mingroni. on October 5, 2002 08:10 PM

Oh...it's real.
Posted by: Jen on October 7, 2002 08:33 AM

What an asshole. I can't believe people like that actually exist.

On a positive note, I think you are an amazing writer. I love your "voice". You should write professionally.
Posted by: anonymous on October 8, 2002 11:59 AM

mr. x is an asshole...
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Want me to beat him up?
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No fighting is necessary, although Glenda...There is no doubt in my mind that you could take him.
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I'm finding myself agreeing with charles down there... Is this for real? I am just finding it really hard to believe that someone could have their head so far up their own bum... Even a man!
Posted by: mirkwood on October 28, 2002 03:42 PM

Girl Scout's honor. This is for real. I didn't have a tape recorder in the cab with me, so it's not the exact converstion, but it is accurate. I promise. I myself still find it hard to believe.
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